snippets of life.

Moving!

2011-06-30T11:18:00.002-04:00

I'm moving here.

xoxo

.

2011-06-07T18:48:00.002-04:00

I really need to do some serious self care.

Runner

2011-06-06T19:49:00.000-04:00

I've been running the last few days consecutively and I must say, my mental well being is significantly improved and I'm a lot nicer to be around. It's kind of nice.

In other news, I can't stop thinking about applying to another Ph.D. program and teaching. If the Ph.D. thing were about having a title, I really don't think I would be trying so hard. Teaching is my calling and I'm willing to do what is needed to see this dream and calling come to fruition. I guess even if that means waiting a little bit.

New Motto

2011-06-05T14:07:00.000-04:00

Sometimes we do things we don't want to do because it's good for us. This is the theme of my life lately. A list of things I don't want to do that I do because it's good for me:

1. Think before I buy and forgo things that I don't need. Not because I want to, but because it's good for my wallet.
2. Workout, even when it's gross and I don't have energy. Not because I want to, but because it's good for my stress levels, my mood, and my hips.
3. Have hard talks with people I love. Not because I want to, but because it's good for my relationships.
4. Eat healthy, even when I'm craving sugar and grease. Not because I want to, but because it's good for my health (and not becoming the "sick elderly" population).
5. Getting up and moving even when I feel unmotivated and scattered. Not because I want to (because I sure don't!) but because it's good for my overall mental health 353 out of the 365 days of the year. I give myself one day per month to just veg and sit in my pj's because everybody deserves a day like that every month.

The things I want to grow in my life (mainly healthiness & love) require work and don't necessarily grow out of my "wants". Sometimes I need to remind myself of this. I have to push past what I want to do to get where I want to be.

weekend goals

2011-06-02T22:10:00.000-04:00

1. Delicious breakfast with roommates on Saturday morn'.
2. Me + Beach.
3. Going to see Bridesmaids with my man.
4. Making a dinner for my love this weekend.
5. A good, long run.
6. Some sort of artistic endeavor.
7. Baby holding.
8. Shopping. A little retail therapy for my heart and my hips.
9. A good coffee shop stop.
10. Sunday afternoon friend date in Williamsburg.

Pride & Prejudice

2011-06-02T21:17:00.000-04:00

Sigh.

thxthxthx

2011-05-29T14:55:00.003-04:00

thxthxthx

Noah

2011-05-29T12:14:00.000-04:00

weekend goals

2011-05-27T17:00:00.002-04:00

Practice piano-check
Drink good coffee-check
Make art-check
Trip to Lake
Make chocolate dipped strawberries/cherries-check
Skype with Best Friend-check
Beach time-check
Rest-check
Gettin' my exercise on-check
Baby holding time

oh, therapists.

2011-05-26T22:10:00.000-04:00

"Again and again I admonish my students both in America and Europe: 'Don't aim at success--the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long run--in the long run, I say--success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think of it.'" -Victor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

By not caring too much about what people think, I'm able to think for myself and propagate ideas which are very often unpopular. And I succeed. -Albert Ellis

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way." -Victor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

How to Have a Quarter Life Crisis.

2011-05-26T12:37:00.003-04:00

I feel generally gross this morning. But, in the midst of feeling gross and achey, I find the blessing of space and time to slow that I normally don't have. Time to reflect on the past almost 3 weeks since graduation and breathe. Since I took only 1 work day off after graduation before heading back into the grind, I haven't had a lot of time to really process this big change. I know three weeks isn't a significant amount of time to process, but let me tell you, the quarter life crisis feelings I was getting were fo-sho.

General Steps to a Quarter Life Crisis:

Ride the Post-Graduation (or post-_fill_in_the_blank) high for approximately 1 week.
Realize your 1st week back to work is what will indefinitely happen for an undetermined amount of time.
Panic that you will be stuck inside of an office for at least 8 hours each day, 5 days per week.
Reprimand yourself for not being grateful for having a good job with awesome co-workers.
Realize you're missing out on a bunch of beach days, sunshine, unplanned friend dates, and continue panic here.
Look ahead in your planner only to realize it's completely blank.
Start thinking about moving to a different state or country.
Look on the internet for a puppy to adopt because you've always wanted one.
Think about coloring your hair any color that is unnatural to your own.
Talk about marriage enough to scare your significant other. Because the QLC (quarter life crisis) makes you think crazy thoughts about how you need to make a drastic change immediately. Marriage. Why not?!
10a. Significant other gives you 100 good reasons why not.
10b. You say "okay fine" but look up engagement rings online.
Feel like all of the hobbies and plans you've made currently are just not good enough. Freak out.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Calm down momentarily. Crises are really exhausting.
Allow boyfriend's pep talk about life to motivate and inspire you. New, beautiful life chapters.
Start attacking stress about life through painting, journaling, music, shopping, laughing with new friends, and going to the gym
Eat a lot of froyo. Good thing you're going to the gym more.
Read lots of verses about God's promises to continually guide and protect you. Pray really fragmented, scattered prayers and hope that God understands what you mean (even though you don't even really know what you're praying for).
Employ more self care tactics like beach time and cooking while wearing apron.
Prepare self for future random feelings of insecurity about my future and current accomplishments by identifying my friends that are amazing supports.
Move along. Breathe.

Quarter Life Crisis.

2011-05-21T18:40:00.001-04:00

I think I'm having one.

Secret:

2011-05-19T21:52:00.000-04:00

I am pretty sure I have an achievement addiction. When I am not achieving or accomplishing (right now) I feel super weird about my life. I looked at my planner today at the next few months, blank. Nothing to work towards, no big changes afoot, no plans. Who am I?!?! I love plans!!!

Needless to say, I'm feeling weird.

Good.

2011-05-19T16:15:00.000-04:00

Don't be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Good overcomes evil.

This is why it's important to get a hold of the Good in our lives.

Piano Playing

2011-05-18T20:04:00.000-04:00

is coming along quite nicely. I have a metronome on my iPhone. I've got the DVD and book to accompany me in this little venture.

an enigma.

2011-05-16T18:40:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning so happy. Normally I wake up with "I didn't get enough sleep", "I don't want to go to work" or "I'm soooo tired". Could it be that when normal people have normal, restful weekends filled with gratitude and family that on Monday morning they feel happy to wake up? Mysterious.

HeartTime

2011-05-14T12:50:00.001-04:00

Lately I have been reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp (which, I recommend if you would like to see your whole life change in so many ways). It is such a beautiful experience to look at each moment, live in each moment, and find the gift of each moment. For the first two years of grad school I would say, "I have no idea where the past year has gone and I don't really remember anything." How unfortunate! The only sweetness we really have in life is to be able to enjoy these moments that make up our lives, these moments that have been graciously given to us. Keeping our eyes and hearts wide open to receive all of the beauty and love and gifts surrounding us. To purposefully be aware of how delicious my warm coffee tastes in the morning, feeling the heat of my coffee mug warming one palm, while my other palm is being warmed by the strong grasp of the man I love. To keep my eyes and ears wide open for the tune of an old man whistling as he walks down the street, a tune he may have played and perfected for many years. Appreciating a group erupting into laughter like a volcano, with one individual who has an explosive, deep belly laugh. Noticing the way that the shadows fall in the afternoon while a cool breeze pats my forehead. Feeling sweet, soft, delicious baby skin beneath my lips with little tiny sized movements in my arms.

I am often overcome by the stress and "urgency" of life, but I find it interesting that in the most stressful of times in the Bible, Christ slowed down. He slowed down to pray and give thanks. It feels so foreign and overwhelming to slow down when things become stressful. It is not been my nature to slow down in general, but I am hoping that post-graduation I learn to slow down. To be present in the moment. To keep my eyes, ears, and arms wide open to the gifts of the moment. To bask in God's love by being present, and to earnestly thank Him for loving me so much. To know and recognize His goodness through my gratitude. To soak in all of these blessings. To learn and speak fluently the language of thanksgiving.

This is the woman I want to be.

One Thousand Gifts

2011-05-14T12:21:00.000-04:00

Post-Graduation Depression

2011-05-13T14:19:00.000-04:00

I guess when I prepare for things like PGD (Post-Graduation Depression), it doesn't happen. Maybe not right now, maybe never... but I was really prepared! I set up a therapy appointment this week and everything in great anticipation of depression. Oh well. At least I actually prepared for it. I'm doing very well. I am really glad that graduation wasn't a "letdown" because I honestly had no thoughts or expectations about it. So how do you, my friend, prevent a Post-__fill_in_the_blank_ Depression? Here are a list of preventative factors that have successfully warded off the blues:

A fresh new baby to cuddle. That just makes everything better (as long as I can give it back).
Planning to rest and take lots of naps. I took a 3.5 hour nap after graduation.
Instead of a monsterous vacation, I took a couple days, did fun things, but now I'm back in a normal routine. Routines make me feel better.
Chocolate Chip Cookies from Erica Emmons. De-lish.
Exercising. Running, walking, skateboarding, dancing, etc.
Focusing on the moment and realizing what I have to be grateful for. See this spectacular blog.
Picking up the new hobby of playing the piano. I love it. And getting back into photography. Another really great hobby.
Family & Friends- laughter, talks, fun. I love the people God has given me in my life. They are extraordinary. Plain and simple.
Going to Richmond to see the Picasso exhibit. Experiencing a sense of awe and wonder outside of myself is always a good preventative factor.
Finding a new cause-I'm currently looking at volunteering at CHKD.

So there you have it. If you are post-something and feeling a depression, find the things that bring you back to feeling most like yourself. Those are my things.

Additional.

2011-05-09T21:05:00.002-04:00

http://thedailygoodgood.blogspot.com/

Because it deserved its' own blog.

My post-graduation goal:

2011-05-09T19:13:00.000-04:00

from: here

I just ordered a book off of Amazon (thanks to Helly!) to learn to play piano. My heart is a-flutter at the idea of learning to play.

*

2011-05-09T18:47:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, for the first time in a very long time, I spontaneously broke out into song and dance. My spirit is slowly but surely being revived.

LOVE.

2011-05-08T17:03:00.000-04:00

todays good good in photoform

2011-05-08T16:56:00.000-04:00

Graduation.

2011-05-08T16:45:00.001-04:00

I have my Master's. Here's some pictures from the celebration that preceded and followed.

Please note: Patrick has cheesecake in his hand the WHOLE time he is dancing.

the gooooooooodgoooooood

2011-05-06T09:14:00.000-04:00

The mechanic telling me that I am as fine as my car.
Got my hurr did.
Made my hair girl laugh when I said "marg-E" for margaritas
Was really encouraged when someone told me I would be an excellent supervisor
Cinco de Mayo with the girls. Delicious.
I'm graduating! It's official!
I still have yet to pick up my graduation regalia. Ha. Maybe tomorrow.
Vacation starts now!
Noah was born!
I get to rest! Hoorah!

Grad School: Quite The Journey.

2011-05-04T21:42:00.000-04:00

I got accepted into the Community Counseling Master's program at Regent University right before I turned 22. At only 21 years old. I was so excited. I kept my acceptance letter as a keepsake because I was so proud to be following through with my hearts desire and dream. I remember the first day of class, heading to Dr. Parker's Skills class on Monday morning at 9am, and leaving my house freaking out. I spoke with my mom on the phone, grabbed Starbucks, and sat through my first class. I cried at least two weeks into every semester, feeling overwhelmed and under-prepared.Now it's all done and over. I had a dream the other night about having to take an exam and when I woke up I told myself, "BOOYAH! THAT CAN'T EVEN HAPPEN ANYMORE SUCKA!"

Since I'm graduating, everyone wants to know what my post-graduation plan is (because saying Happy Graduation or Congratulations! is apparently overrated). My answer: honestly, I really don't know. I guess I'll become a Licensed Professional Counselor. I might like to do some Play Therapy trainings. Maybe I'll apply for another doctoral program in the fall. But honestly, I can't think past June, much less the next year. And I understand why people keep asking me if I'm getting married since the whole Ph.D. thing fell through and the Master's bit is over, but come on ya'll. Marriage isn't the only other thing I could possibly hide up my sleeve! I'm in the hands of a very creative God that provides opportunities I can't even imagine. I trust that. You should too.

Yesterday when I talked to my therapist I told her that all this graduation stuff still feels surreal. Like there is no way that it could have been three years, but it has DEFINITELY been three whole years. Looking through old journals and blog entries has helped me to remember all the sacrifices I made these past three years to in order to complete this degree. I gave up time with friends, trips, weekends, "normal" life, my sanity, and most importantly my comfort. God has changed me so much during this program that there is no way to describe all of the progress. The achey, painful, comfort-shattering progress. He has healed me, changed me, and grown me tremendously. I can honestly say I am not the same person that I was when I began the program. At. All. Completely different. I have been so healed over the past three years.

Dear Sarah,
Remember all those times you said "this doesn't last forever" to help you get through the tough moments? Well, it doesn't last forever and you will be graduating in a few days. Well done. I'm really, really, really proud of you. Congratulations!
Lots of love,
Sarah

2011-05-04T07:56:00.000-04:00

a pinch of magic.

2011-05-03T23:12:00.000-04:00

Okay, so maybe it's not magic. Maybe there is something to the power of validation. My therapist doesn't do magic tricks, but sometimes validation feels like magic.

Next thought: Perhaps the apparent difficulty of life provides a space to see God in a totally new way.When the Israelites were in the desert they were given manna which literally means "what is it?". When the Israelites were in a tough place physically and emotionally, they gathered up something they did not understand in order to be nourished and sustained. A mystery, if you will. How many mysteries in my life have I refused to nourish me simply because I did not understand? Ann Voskamp says, "That that which tears open our souls, those holes that splatter our sight, may actually become the thin, open places to see thrrough the mess of this place to the heart-aching beauty beyond. To Him. To the God whom we endlessly crave."

This book, I'm telling you, is a direct God send. And you know what? If I have to wait and feel dry spiritually for a period of time to be met at the perfect time with such powerful words, I will continue my wait in FULL EXPECTATION. The way this woman is nourishing my soul with her words and experiences is the best graduation gift in the whole wide world.

I needed this today.

2011-05-02T17:46:00.002-04:00

Becoming a normal human being.

2011-05-01T14:55:00.000-04:00

Step 1. Spend weekends doing things that are not school work or academically related.

This weekend has felt a little bit wobbly like a baby taking its' first steps-kind of falling, landing on my feet, wobbling, kind of falling, landing, repeat. I sincerely would like to feel normal waking up early, seeing friends, doing fun things, and resting. I am adjusting to the fact that work is Monday through Friday. Since college I have worked really awful shifts and have not known what a regular schedule or normal weekends look like. I would go to school during the week, work all weekend, or vice versa. Lately it has been more working during the week and doing school work on the weekends. Now I work Monday through Friday and then it's the weekend. "The Weekend" comes with a lot of expectations and connotations, but it has not been that way for me in a long time. The weeks ran together and there was never an "end" on my weeks.

You know I love a good list, as I have made lots of additions to my post-graduation goals list, but it's hard to figure out where to start. So this weekend I started with walking around downtown a little, seeing Erica and watching a movie, followed by a cute coffee shop moment for us. It was delightful. Today I have spent some good quality time with Patrick. I find myself enjoying my time with him the longer that we are together. He brought me to the floor (literally) in laughter this afternoon and I could barely breathe. If that's what future weekends could hold, I'm down (literally and figuratively).

Some random items: I ate fresh avocado today and it was soooooooo good. I need to continue to take advantage of this while it's seasonal. I love picking flowers and putting them in glasses around the house. Shot glasses are actually really perfect containers for one or two flowers for the table. Martha Stewart ain't got nothin' on me.

after the storm...

2011-04-30T13:01:00.000-04:00

the GoodGood.

2011-04-28T22:04:00.001-04:00

the sky after the storm
strawberries and kiwi in my belly
my man calling just to tell me that he loved me and I'm beautiful.
wearing my man's baseball cap

Turning in all of my final paperwork
Going for a good run this evening
My Ipod playing random AWESOME songs! 500 Miles on my run!
Kardashians on television
Nothing to do tomorrow morning. What does this even mean?
Calling my little sister to tell her that I love her.
This song coming on for the first 5 of my run:

I ordered a really good lookin' book off Amazon, after I looked at salad spinners... haha.

Done-duh-done-done.

2011-04-26T19:32:00.000-04:00

No more reading, no more research, no more powerpoint presentations, no more sitting in traffic on my way to class, no more frustrating assignments where the professor ambiguously describes the criteria, no more waking up early to make coffee and get ready for class, no more midterms or finals, no more planning for projects, no more working in groups (which I really dislike), no more studying, no more buying school supplies or EXPENSIVE books, no more class evaluations to fill out, no more three hour classes, no more taking notes, no more piles of books sitting on my desk, no more library sitting, no more sitting in pointless classes, no more facebooking during class, and no more signing my name with BS next to it. As soon as my transcripts and test results are in, I'm signing my name with an MA, NCC, LMHP-e on the end of it.

Yah, yah, yahhhhhhh.

hearts desire for graduation:

2011-04-25T13:36:00.000-04:00

I want it for my new office. It would really improve the quality of my post-graduation life.

refreshing.

2011-04-23T16:07:00.000-04:00

It is so nice to have talks with a friend that is hopeful and reminds me that we all don't have any idea what we're really doing in life. We're just all doing our best. I won't have all the answers. I will make mistakes. I will disappoint people and they will disappoint me. There will be ups and downs. ~~When I begin to feel overwhelmed,~~ the only real answer is to give it to God, all the time. I need to be reminded that He is sufficient for all issues, even the ones that I think I am capable of handling.

Sunshine. Beautiful weather. Friend dates. Walking in Ghent. Taking care of myself while gettin'r'done.

2 weeks until graduation.

Busying my mind with being more grateful than complainy until further notice.

I am thankful for good weather, encouragement, sweet strawberries, netflix, and rest.

LANTA

2011-04-21T22:31:00.002-04:00

ohmylanta. Only 1 paper left for my Masters. I could dance and cry.

The Remedy.

2011-04-21T19:50:00.000-04:00

God.

2011-04-20T19:44:00.000-04:00

This morning when I was having a tornado of angry thoughts and irritations towards certain things in my life, God spoke to me:

throw off the things that so easily entangle you, Sarah. Run your race.

Things that easily entangle me:
-petty, stupid social situations
-taking peoples' comments the wrong way
-displacing my own crap on someone else
-worry about everything
-how people will take something I do or say

Throw.It.Off.

I will wipe the dust off of my feet and continue to run my race.

7 days.

2011-04-20T07:38:00.000-04:00

Graduate program done in 7 days. Yowzaaaa.

My goal for these next 7 days is to do what I need to do for myself while I'm gettin'er'done.

I've got exactly two papers and one more final. One of those papers is easy-shmeezy, the other I have to read an entire book for. Good thing I have it on audio.

I started a list on my Iphone last night entitled: Post Grad Goals. It's under construction. I'm ambitious and usually unrealistic, so I'm going to sit on the list for a while. Add. Subtract. Get more realistic. Etc.

I love this song:

Go green.

2011-04-18T19:58:00.000-04:00

Is it weird that I really want potted wheat grass? I just love the color and bringing a little bit of the outdoors in. I might have something like this in my office. I really love the idea. Or some cacti.

STOP. celebration time.

2011-04-16T13:13:00.000-04:00

I have worked hard, done the best I could, and the week is over. Sure there is more due next week, but you know what? I have to celebrate the work from this week before I begin again. SO. Off to Richmond!

Uncle.

2011-04-15T21:45:00.000-04:00

Why do people say "uncle" when they have had enough?

Yesterday I was at my last AA meeting and a woman said, "I have an anger problem, so what God usually does is keep making me angry until I can't ignore it anymore and I have to deal with it." I laughed, and it was actually an inappropriate moment to laugh, but I felt like my laugh was a "girl, me too." Me too, except lately it's patience and control. Both of which I've got very little of. I have cussed more these past couple weeks than I think I have ever cussed in my whole life. I have pulled out all of the stops, no word left unspoken. I thought I was a patient person before these past few weeks, I thought I could handle a lot, but God has been showing me otherwise. I can't handle anything without Him. Seriously. He has put me in enough freaking situations where I COMPLETELY lack the skill, character, or patience to handle it and all I know to do is cuss. Oh, and get mad at God. I've done that more lately.

I feel like I'm being broken. That's the only way I know to explain it. (Side note: apologies for all of my regular readers who are tired of reading the same damn story line lately. It's what's happenin' right now. L-I-F-E.) I feel like the only way God can work on me is to break me into a thousand pieces. Everything has been broken these past few weeks. I went to therapy and couldn't figure out what to tell her first because everything is unstable. This past week I had a situation where I was so angry and sad I physically shook, and then burst into tears because I realized that my last "safe haven of stability" had crumbled. So much for having any other "safe havens" outside of God. But lately He hasn't felt like such a safe haven either. I'm mad at Him for putting me in crappy situations that feel really unsafe. I remind myself of the CS Lewis quote, "He's not safe, but He is good" and it really makes me angry. When I have felt like God has put me in really unsafe situations these past few weeks/month, I get really angry and sad. Why would a good God put me in unsafe situations? It doesn't seem to add up, but then again maybe I'm not far out enough to see that it does add up.

I'm exhausted from all this "training" that has been going on (or whatever "this" is) and the stress I'm feeling from writing final papers, taking the National Certification Exam, preparing for final exams, and finishing my internship is contributing to a real burnout feeling. I have had the thought, "I don't want to do this work anymore" at least once or twice per week for the past month. I am getting my Masters in Counseling on May 7th and I don't want to do it anymore? What the heck. I know that's the burnout feeling talking. I love my work. Just not right now.

Today I definitely relapsed on coffee with a foreal 3 cups this morning. One of my personal stress signals: caffeine consumption. I might have to go through a detox when classes are complete. The one good thing I have done for myself this week is to exercise even though I didn't feel like it. It really did help me to slow my roll, leave my cell phone for a while, get some Me Time, and de-stress. So kudos to me. I have done the best I could this week with what was going on. May 7th cannot come soon enough for me. God bless my little heart, but I need a new story. This "I'm struggling, life is really hard right now" story is on my freakin' nerves.

So close...

2011-04-14T18:55:00.004-04:00

I could scream. Or take a nap. All of these papers, finals, etc. plus new job and client work is really taking a toll on me. I want to go to the gym tonight. It's a really nice idea, but I just refuse to force myself to. When I'm this tired, I'm usually on the verge of illness/sinus infection. That better not happen though. I've got a trip to Richmond this weekend that's a congratulations for making it through the week.

Sigh.

NCE. Papers. Finals.

Last class?

2011-04-12T09:46:00.000-04:00

This whole graduation-done-with-school thing keeps getting more real. Last night was my last official internship class... All I have left is one Gerontology class and a Final. My heart is already feeling the loss of not having my classmates, people that I have truly come to respect and appreciate. People that have loved, encouraged, edified, and affirmed me as a counselor and as a woman. The process of growing up has happened for me over these past three years and I am not the same as when I entered this program.

All of those feelings are balanced with a little dance I like to do when I think about not having to do papers anymore, not having anymore classes to attend, and finally learning what life is going to look like without school. Which means I get to be a normal human being for the first time! New hobbies, more friend time, time to use as I choose (rhyme, giggle). I should probably start making a list of the hobbies and shenanigans I want to get into. My therapist recommended that I take a vaca after the big "let down" of graduation. We'll see.

I need some recommendations about what to do with my potential new free time...

Alcoholics Anonymous > Church

2011-04-10T21:10:00.000-04:00

I think it's fair to say at this point that the AA meeting I attended was better than any church service. The honestly, vulnerability, messiness, and humility was overpowering. The alcoholics in that group have shown me God, how awesome His power is, and that when it comes down to it, He is in control. One woman described Him as "the God I don't understand" while another retorted "He wouldn't be much of a God if I understood Him". Their testimonies of change and growth while continuously claiming that it is simply by God's grace, inspire my heart. I left thinking, man, I want that. I want an honest community where we can share our struggles and ALL admit that we are sinners and we ALL have to rely on God's grace to live in any capacity.

One of the things that touched my heart most was when an elderly gentleman commented about a prayer that he said when he wasn't saying what he was thankful for. It went, "God, thank you for all you have given me. Thank you for the things you have taken away from me. Thank you for the things you left with me." My heart welled up. Yes. God, thank you for all You have given me. Thank You for the things you have taken away from me, and thank You for the things You have left with me. I forget to thank God for the things He has taken away from me. He has taken so much away: sadness, depression, loneliness, anger, bitterness, my "plans", friends, and "stability". All for my good.

I cannot wait to go to two more AA meetings.

Stretch.

2011-04-10T18:11:00.000-04:00

I paid $300 to take the National Counselor Certification Exam. I use dollar bills as my bookmarker in my study guide to remind me that I could potentially lose my investment if I keep screwing around. The past two days I have studied for an hour each day. This is a step in the right direction. Exam is on Saturday and I feel pretty confident, but I'll keep studying. After the exam I'm going to Richmond with two friends for dinner and a little fun. I'm really excited because it is the perfect reward for my hard work.

It is so weird to see the list of papers I need to write dwindle. I am almost done with this degree. I will not be a "student" any longer. I think that's kind of crap though, because I feel like I will always be a student of Life. I'm currently learning new lessons on hurt, forgiveness, relationships, and resilience. I will always struggle with forgiveness while still experiencing the effects of the hurt.

I re-found my "Un-Game" a therapeutic game of win-win where questions spark lively discussions [teen edition]. Once I brought it out while a group of us were drinking at Cogans and the results were amazing. A lot of people loved the Un-Game. I am hoping to re-create that experience once again.

And to complete this post, you should know I'm going to an AA meeting this evening and I have a feeling that I'm going to have a really good story to tell afterwards...

DTR.

2011-04-08T14:27:00.000-04:00

DTR=Define The Relationship.

I was at work and a male co-worker asked how my "friend" Patrick is and how long have we been "hanging out". My response: He's my "Boyfriend" and we've been "Dating" for over a year now. We DTR'd, I let the two male co-workers know. I explained that when "hanging out", it is important to DTR so you know where you stand, etc. They both agreed that DTR is unnecessary. To which I posed the question on FB: Is it necessary to DTR? I expected the women to say yes and the men to say no. This was the case until a few ladies said it was unnecessary. I don't think it's a male/female issue, but perhaps a personality/communication style difference.

Now, I find it interesting that some people assumed that I hadn't DTR'd and wanted to help me complete the DTR talk in my own relationship. Fortunately, we've been there and done that and it's official. But for my friends that are dating and are going to have the DTR, do they need to?

My thoughts? Yes, at some point. One guy responded that if you have to ask, it's not going well. Well, Mister, if you don't feel free to communicate with the person you're dating, then it's not going well already. Committed relationships take work, energy, patience, compromise, and a lot of love. If I'm seeing someone that I am not going to be committed to, then it would be nice for them to understand that (although uncomfortable to admit). If it is going well I do not think that it should be EXPECTED for you to read their minds and know it. Let's be real: mind reading doesn't work in any relationship. Verbal communication of expectations and roles is a pretty normal and healthy way to enter into a relationship. It helps you both to establish your own expectations of each other and the relationship, and is a declaration of the loving commitment you are willing to make.

As per my friends that state it's unnecessary, if somebody hadn't established something, you probably wouldn't have a ring on your finger. I think some individuals don't want to have the DTR to avoid feeling hurt or upset just in case their expectations don't match up with the other person. Some people have this really amazing belief that if they do have "the talk" then everyone gets crazy. Let me be clear: if your partner goes crazy over a DTR and starts talking marriage and scaring you, its probably because they have different expectations and you're not on the same page. Let them know your boundaries and what you're looking for. If they can't respect your boundaries and needs, then maybe you need to look at not dating them.

End Rant.

I'm not a dime. I'm a quarter!

2011-04-02T10:52:00.000-04:00

of a century!!! Come Monday. A real update though for the past week-ish:

Last Saturday was my one year anniversary with Patrick. Instructions for anniversary were: no presents & we will make a card for each other. We went out to dinner at H.K. on the Bay and he initiated conversation about what we enjoyed about the last year. I told this to Kelly and she goes, "boo, you got a good one." Honestly, I don't know any men that like processing relationships and growth. I think I may have gotten a golden egg. I'm a lucky lady. And just in case you're wondering, his cards are better than any Hallmark card. I recommend doing this in anyone's next relationship event-Valentines Day, birthdays, anniversaries. The creativity factor and personalization make magic. Not to get too gushy, I am so blessed to have such a great man in my life that is my very best friend. His creativity, passion, black-beltness, humor, and lack of cooking skills bless my heart on a daily basis. Gives me misty eyes just thinkin' bout it.

The next day I threw Katherine's baby shower for little Noah. I must say, it was really stressful because my sister is really stressful. If she were calm, it would have been fine. She's not. So she called and texted every day within two weeks of the shower to ask "the plan" and check in on details. Eeeeevvvvvvvvvvvvvverrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy (think Sandlot) day. Even at 8 AM on the day of the shower. BUT Sarah, you say, you know how to handle difficult people. BUT this is my sister and I have no ethical obligation to treat her with unconditional positive regard (UPR). SO. She irritated me to pieces. The shower turned out beautifully though. My sister walked in and just kept saying, "oh my gosh! it's so cute!". That made me smile. Every chair in my house was taken and my coffee maker turned out at least three different pots of coffee for the guests. I got great hugs from previous work mothers/grandmothers. Some of these people I haven't seen since 2006/2007, so it was delightful to see them and talk. It was like everyone fell back into their old places with each other, it lasted at least three hours. Succccccccccessssssssssssss.

This past week I have had rough work situations that create a new level of stress for me. I know that difficult work situations are excellent training, but I did not sign up for that. And I would never willingly do that, so I get it. Ok. I get it. Fine... Here's a song I've listened to and that has ministered to my heart while I've been freaking out:

It's my birthday weekend. My mother has utilized March as her Birthday Month. Every day a celebration and opportunity for presents and delicious food. My mother is funny. Most things are cause for celebration with her and I like to live my life like this. My dad says I take after my mother in this respect. I tried a week long birthday celebration last year and I was straight up exhausted after a week of birthday gaggles. This year I'm doing a weekend trial run of birthday. Here's to hoping it goes well.

Side note story: I saw my niece yesterday and have found out a few interesting facts: she likes to play with my parents nativity set. She won't let them put it away with the other Christmas items. She plays with all the animals, baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph... She has an imaginary friend named Marcus and she uses her iPod as her cell phone like Aunt Sarah. Her hair gets knotted like mine used to and she has the best imagination. Boy, I love that kid.

Side side note story: I put two bouquets of daffodils in Patrick's house.... here's to seeing if he notices/likes it.

life.

2011-03-29T15:02:00.002-04:00

Oh, you know the situations that are such a hot mess that all you can do is laugh and embrace it in order to not cry and break down? Yeah. It's just like that.

rat

2011-03-24T21:48:00.000-04:00

There's a rat in our house, so says the A-Active man. Snap and glue traps are set and I am freaking out. I'm waiting on pins and needles to hear awful noises coming from the crawl space where they come in. I am making Kelly sleep in my room tonight because I'm afraid of being on the same floor and hearing it.

It's times like these that God gives us people to help us out. Like my Boo, brother, dad, friends, anybody that is willing to come over when it gets caught and is squealing, really.

I. Hate. Rats.

The last time this happened I ran into the daggon thing in the kitchen and woke Sarah Carter and the rest of the house up from their slumber with my screaming.

Here's to hoping this one doesn't end ugly.

isaiah 62:4

2011-03-23T13:11:00.000-04:00

You shall no more be termed Forsaken nor shall your land be desolate any more.

But you shall be called Hephzibah [my delight is in her]...

gorgeous.

2011-03-22T22:05:00.002-04:00

"She couldn't go back and make the details pretty,
she could
only
move
forward
and make the whole beautiful."

-Terri St. Cloud

TEAr TIME

2011-03-21T22:12:00.000-04:00

I used to not be a good cryer. I would stuff things down until it all came up and boy when it did I had a few good and efficient numbing/distracting techniques including emotional eating & fixing everyone else. Which is great, until I became bitter from helping everyone else and not myself, while gaining astronomical amounts of weight which doesn't help in increasing self esteem for a young woman. Since then I've grown, attended therapy, stopped eating crap, and become a great cryer. Working on my own burnout has shown me the importance of emotional (positive & negative) expression. Sometimes I give myself a safe space to feel it out and I cry as needed. I did so for 15 minutes on the drive home and I felt so good afterwards. Was I sad? A little. But also thankful for being loved by such a powerful God and realizing I'm never going to have all of the answers (and that's okay). Kudos to myself for growing & finding healthier ways to deal with life by including some tear time every now and again. Did you know that crying releases toxins from your body (they're actually found in the tears) as well as some feel good chemicals? Oh the benefits...

End personal therapeutic endorsement post.

facts & photographic snippets

2011-03-20T17:48:00.000-04:00

1. Bob Marley has been my jam this week. He helps mellow me out. Particularly Turn the Lights Down Low & Could You Be Loved. "Good love won't leave us alone". Good word Bob. Thanks.

2. My nose is a faucet.

3. There's a mouse in our house that has enjoyed homemade blueberry muffins and a chocolate chip pancake.

4. I'm a proud aunt to a good lookin' little fella.

Mid sentence "oh, my goodness gracious. let's fix your blankie"

It's magic what babies do to grown men.

He could not stop kissing the kid. It was ridiculously cute.

Colt opened his eyes for the Auntie he loves before she left.

He much preferred to not be in the baby burrito.
Stretching his sweet tiny feet and arms out.

So handsome. Little precious.

iPhone goods

2011-03-18T06:49:00.000-04:00

Exhibit A: QT patooty.

Exhibit B: Me, in art form. Go to the Chrysler soon.
They have a neat exhibit on the 2nd floor where you are made into art.

drum roll, please

2011-03-16T18:46:00.000-04:00

So I logged on to Facebook to find that some people changed and some people stayed the same. Marriages, engagements, babies, friends that make me laugh, and a lot of non-essential, entertaining information. I'm sticking with my promise to myself: no facebook app on my phone and not checking more than once per day. Because honestly, I lived peacefully without facebook for two good months. Creating genuine relationships, not comparing, not stalking, just doing me. I plan on continuing to do the same. Amen and Amen.

oh, FB.

2011-03-15T18:54:00.000-04:00

Less than 12 hours till I get to log back on to Facebook. It's funny, but I kind of don't want to. I like not compulsively checking, getting to hear peoples voices instead of seeing comments or status updates, and having the people who are my real friends know what is going on in my life. A Facebook-less life is actually really peaceful and nice.

Hip Hop Class?

2011-03-14T14:37:00.001-04:00

Dare I have enough confidence in my groove?

Happy.

2011-03-13T21:03:00.001-04:00

Warm weather stirs up happy feelings. I don't know if it's a chemical reaction, the Vitamin D, or getting to wear dresses. Perhaps it's the little chicks (aka: nephews) that are about to be born. Or maybe Brystol telling me about her invisible friend Marcus and what's happening in his life. Or perhaps getting to see family for a luncheon baby shower, eating lots of hummus with them, and realizing that my whole extended family dislikes playing games (i.e., baby shower games) and that is where I got my distaste for it from. Could be the organized feeling I get from taking all my random papers and placing them in cute Target containers (on sale-double score). Might have been the coffee I drank with the man that I love today. Or the smell of freshly washed clothes and tying up a lot of loose ends. Perhaps the ability to use my sun roof while driving everywhere today or the country station Pandora has cooked up for me. Maybe the impending 25th birthday along with graduation (no more writing papers, reading textbooks, or downloading powerpoints!!!) and my 1 year anniversary with my boo boo?

This is not the place that I was in last week. Last week I was in tears, terribly sad and hopeless.

Today I am in a good place with full trust and faith that God cares about every detail of my life. I treasure rare fleeting moments such as this. This happy post is more of a thankful post. I'm thankful for all of these things. I'm thankful to a God who is able to do more than I can even imagine.

8 weeks to freedom:

2011-03-11T14:16:00.002-05:00

"CONGRATULATIONS! You have been approved to participate in the 2011 Regent University commencement ceremony!"

Speak it.

2011-03-11T09:56:00.001-05:00

"Instead of trying to make things happen yourself ask God and believe that if it's right for you, He will bring it to you at the right time. I learned a long time ago, and I honestly, truly, 100% believe this: if God doesn't give me what I ask for it's only because He has something better in mind and I'm not smart enough to know how to ask for it yet. I don't have to have my way to be happy, I want to have God's way."

-J.Meyer

"Now to him who is able to do
i m m e a s u r a b l y more
than all we ask or imagine,
according to his power that is at work within us, t
o him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

"We do not need to search for heaven, over here or over there, in order to find our eternal Father.
In fact, we do not even need to speak out loud,
for though we speak in the smallest whisper
or the most fleeting thought,
He is close enough to hear us."

Teresa of Avila

"Give me the peace
that comes from knowing
that where I am, You are,
and together we can handle whatever comes."
Pam Kidd

"Just when we least expect it,
He intrudes into our

neat
and
tidy notions
about who He is

and

how He works."

-Joni Eareckson Tada

When we long for life without difficulties,
remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds
and diamonds are made under pressure. - Peter Marshall

rant.

2011-03-10T22:39:00.000-05:00

Personal rant moment tonight at the gym.

Dear 20 something woman with her ta-ta's hanging out of her low cut v shirt with no bra on,

Please show a little respect to yourself and everyone else at the gym by wearing a shirt next time you come to the gym and not your bathing suit top. It's not sunny inside, no chance for a tan.

XOXO

Sarah & Feminists everywhere.

T-6 days.

2011-03-10T14:09:00.000-05:00

snip.

2011-03-09T10:16:00.002-05:00

Normally I like to put some bullets and numbers for my update. But, life lately has been anything but bullets and numbers and order. So, I shall follow suit. After The Letter I spent a couple days just feeling it out and being disappointed and hurt and sad. I think this may be the first time that I didn't try to cover up a disappointment or talk myself out of being hurt. This time I was heart broken and I said so. Rounds of crying and burning things while using my "coping skills" of eating french fries and watching Modern Family was exactly what I needed. Unfortunately, my emotional eating habit has been thwarted as a coping skill because now when I eat things that are greasy and sugary and delicious, I feel sick afterwards. Boo. It makes it a lot less fun to do. Regardless, I spent time alone, really felt it out, talked about it, and on the third day I was done with it. I received a lot of good pep talks, solid support from the boyfriend, and loving from everyone. I may feel the disappointment again, but I don't think I will. I realized that this is simply a "not right now" instead of a "no". I also realized that part of my strong desire for getting my Ph.D. is because my heart is all about teaching, I think that's what I really want to do. Wanting my Ph.D. so fervently may have been (in its' own way) an attempt to say that. I am going to look at other schools, a lot in other states (which is weird because I would have never considered them before this) and different jobs for myself during this next year. My only rule is I can only look at them after graduation in 8 weeks. Right now I need to focus on finishing up my Masters with excellence and getting excited about not writing papers for a while.

A lot to look forward to within the next 8 weeks: Two (count 'em, TWO!) new baby nephews. Throwing my first baby shower for my sister. 1 year anniversary with Patrick <3. 25th Birthday!. Graduation!!! & hopefully a graduation party to celebrate this time of my life that, for the very first time, I have no plan.

I'm taking this morning slow. Drinking coffee, listening to T.Swift and resting in the knowledge that I'm held in God's grace and love. That His plan, whatever it is, is Good. 100%.

Psalm 37:23
"The Lord directs the steps of the godly.
He delights in every detail of their lives."

f.u.n.n.y./true.--> Proverbs 20:24 "The Lord directs our steps,so why try to understand everything along the way?"

Muse

2011-03-07T19:44:00.000-05:00

{ }

2011-03-06T20:33:00.000-05:00

Go Forward With Courage
When you are in doubt, be still, and wait;
when doubt no longer exists for you, then go forward with courage.
So long as mists envelop you, be still;
be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists-- as it surely will.
Then act with courage.

-Ponca Chief White Eagle

Wilson Philips. Yesss.

2011-03-06T19:08:00.000-05:00

This made me smile and laugh because a) I own the song b) it's totally ridiculous, but this is a good time for it to play on my Pandora station.

12 Steps to Rejection

2011-03-06T11:15:00.002-05:00

Step 1. React in Disbelief. I read and re-read the "We regret to inform you that you have not been selected as a finalist..." statement a few times to let it sink in. And thought, "What does this mean?"

Step 2. Call Boyfriend (while in disbelief). I told him, "I didn't get in" like five times because he had no idea what I was talking about. I told him I thought I needed to cry. Then I did. Round 1 of crying commenced.

Step 3. Text Dad. I told him what happened because you know that if anyone in the world cares, it's the man that has asked me every single time I saw him if I had heard anything yet.

Step 4. Talk to Dad on phone. While wailing, he told me a wonderful story about a professional violinist who broke his fingers. The violinist learned that not only the notes are important, but the pauses between the notes. In this case, metaphorically, the pause in my notes. He said really encouraging, loving, and supportive things. He completed the phone call with, "You know you will always be my sweetheart."

Step 5. Cry. Round 2. I wailed loudly and held my knees to my chest, head in hands.

Step 6. Get Angry. I said WTF a few times. Reminded myself that I am qualified and that this decision of theirs was most likely made out of diversity requirements.

Step 7. Journal a quick sentence. "I just got rejected from the Ph.D. program, but I trust you and know your plans are good, even if I don't understand it."

Step 8. Text friends that care. I allowed their words of kindness to sink in and appreciate the way that my friends care for me through offers of graffiting, toilet papering, and egging ODU/the person that signed the rejection letter; visits for comfort; ciders till I feel better; and last but not least, froyo.

Step 9. Burn Letter. I just watched the Newsies and it seems like something they would approve of. Right Christian Bale?

Step 10. Go for a Walk. I happened to run into someone I haven't seen in a while on the walk and for the first time had to admit that I don't really have a plan post-graduation. Well that was quick.

Step 11. Allow Boyfriend to Comfort and Love.

Flowers, french fries, and The King's Speech later, I was able to smile and relax. Oddly enough part of the movie was the fact that the speech therapist wasn't actually a doctor and didn't have any credentials, but was still amazing and helped to shape one of the most influential men in history.

Step 12. Write a Reply:

Dear Old Dominion University's Counselor Education and Supervision Program,

~~I regret to inform you that you have rejected a candidate that is more than qualified to succeed in your program and would have significantly improved the quality of your program.~~ The Ph.D. Counselor Education and Supervision program that I will be applying to next year thanks you for your decision.

Sincerely,

Sarah N. Rowley

Dear Self,

2011-03-04T19:41:00.000-05:00

I give you full permission to not feel bad about using your spring break to nap frequently, work, take care of random things (baby shower invitations, post office visits, etc), and making life easier for yourself next week.

Thanks for staying true to who you are!

Love,

Me.

True Love

2011-03-03T15:04:00.000-05:00

This morning Patrick and I sat down and created a Microsoft Word table to figure out when we can spend time together. After creating it and seeing how much time we have outside of work and extracurriculars, there were approximately 4 little blocks of time to see each other on Friday and Saturday. I entitled it, "Title: Why we don't see each other a lot :-(".

It made me smile that he wanted to sit down and do that with me so we could spend more time with each other. Conclusion: we'll try harder to love each other while things are busy. Conclusion 2: I love him a lot. Who else would sit down and really let me create a Microsoft Word chart with our schedules and color code it with me? Points for you Patrick Burgess.

Alriiiight!

2011-03-01T10:35:00.000-05:00

NY TIMES: Go Easy on Yourself, a New Wave of Research says...

2011-03-01T10:30:00.000-05:00

2011-03-01T09:57:00.000-05:00

I want to be where there is hope.

Chan. Francis Chan.

2011-02-27T16:56:00.000-05:00

"I think the fear of God failing us leads us to "cover for God." This means we ask for less, expect less, and are satisfied with less because we are afraid to ask for or expect more. We even convince ourselves that we don't want more-that we have all the "God" we need or could want. I can't imagine how much it pains God to see His children hold back from relationship with the Holy Spirit out of fear that He won't come through. How much it grieves Him to watch His children ignore the promises He's made throughout Scripture due to fear that those promises won't be kept! Empowering His children with the strength of the Holy Spirit is something the Father wants to do. It's not something we have to talk Him into. He genuinely wants to see us walk in His strength."
Forgotten God, Francis Chan

phone.photos.

2011-02-27T16:23:00.000-05:00

Nephew #1's name is Colton.

Erica is a Certified Barista.
Whenever I go to Starbucks, I know what pin to look for now. And you do too.

My mom tried to toss all of my prom dresses.

Instinctively I saved them and tried them all on.

This was my first "Homecoming" dress from 9th grade.

Happy Birthday Little E!

2011-02-25T10:10:00.000-05:00

Spring Break

2011-02-25T08:02:00.001-05:00

I just re-realized that I'm on spring break. I realized it after my mid-term on Wednesday and re-realized that when I woke up. Last Master's spring break. What whaattt

I'm a simple girl and want simple things over spring break:

1) Trip to the Science Museum
2) Trip to the Chrysler
3) Coffee dates
4) Catching up with my boo boo's
5) Sleep

Again. Pretty easy to please. And if you're my boo boo, get in where you fit in and make time for me next week!

Observations of the World of Diets & Nutrition

2011-02-24T21:51:00.000-05:00

A nutritionist came to my house on Sunday evening to help me improve the nutritional value in my diet and evaluate the things in my refrigerator. Very reality television style. I would love to share all of the wonderful tips she shared with me, the items that she pointed out on my shelf that weren't acceptable, and refrigerator items that she pulled to discuss. I will not bore you with the numbers or equations or catagories. Because it would bore you. It slightly bored me. Instead, my observations.

#1. Diet and Nutrition occurs on a continuum from poor to excellent, and from inattentive to obsessive. My belief is that healthy falls somewhere to the right of the middle. Numbers and equations and labels can kill an otherwise normal psyche (and may or may not have been at the forefront of my mind). However, in order to get rid of poor habits and learn/exhibit new healthy ones, it takes a fair amount of attentiveness at the beginning. But, I understand how people get obsessed with numbers and let it take over their lives. Beginning stages require a lot of attention and the rewards are exciting... but I'm not crazy. I've got a goal and then it's maintenance y'all.

#2. The Nutritionist Lady made one good point: there's a difference between changing your diet for "Vanity Pounds" and changing to be in a healthy weight range. I think it's interesting how my older sister and mother have systematically attacked my desire to meet with a Nutritionist Lady and consequently change my diet. I have a pretty solid self-esteem and view of my body. I like my curves, muscles, and toosh. Why is it everyone's first assumption that when someone is watching what they are eating and changing their nutritional intake that they automatically have self-esteem issues? That is a totes busted assumption. My reasons include a family history of crazy health conditions and taking a gerontology class that reminds me on a weekly basis how important good nutrition and exercise are (otherwise "diseased elderly individual" is more likely to be in my file in 50 years).

#3. Crazy, obsessive, Type A, unvulnerable, Excellent diet people are a breed of their own. They will always exist when I go to the gym or hit the fruit/veggies side of the supermarket. They choose hip outfits to wear at the gym, with eyeliner, lip stick, and earrings on. Gnaw on a raw carrot or stalk of celery and pretend to like it and act like it's not hard to keep the diet and exercise regimen they have going. Some are one-uppers and say that they exercise once a day for at least an hour doing cardio and following up with some sort of resistance training for at least half an hour. Followed by a delicious salad the size of their palm and a glass of water. I do not desire to be one of these people and the grossness of that description fuels my desire for balance and moderation in all things. Including this.

blog goods

2011-02-21T20:27:00.000-05:00

an old fave: http://www.incourage.me/

Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist,
but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.— G.K. Chesterton

from http://herewecollide.com/

traffic shot

2011-02-20T12:53:00.000-05:00

Imagine THAT.

2011-02-19T14:42:00.001-05:00

Let's imagine momentarily that a lady had applied to a Ph.D. program in November and had not heard a word back from them 3 1/2 months later. Now let's imagine that the lady was prompted at the last minute to do a presentation at a random conference in Williamsburg. This lady was approved to do the presentation by the President of the organization heading that conference and then registered. Next, the lady found that she has a lot to do before mid-terms and decides that she will only attend the portion of the conference that she has to (approximately 2ish hours). The morning of the conference, the lady wakes up and finds herself ready a little earlier than expected and heads to the conference. There is one last round of presentations before lunch when the lady arrives, so she attends a random presentation on the Ph.D. admissions process (seems applicable, eh?). The lady sits down with a few friends and finds that the presenters are actually the head of the admissions process for the Ph.D. program that this lady applied for (imagine THAT). They talk about the way they do things at their particular school (like early bird gets the worm AND the GA position) and reiterate that they are the ones that review (throw away or approve) these Ph.D. applications. The lady realizes the gold mine of this opportunity and introduces herself to one presenter only to be met with a, "I know your name..." Cha-ching! The lady asks intellectual and applicable questions regarding the program, the interviewing process, etc. The presenter comments on what wonderful and insightful questions were asked, and the lady leaves feeling good about the interaction. As the lady is walking to lunch, the other presenter/phd admissions person (that did not introduce herself) walks up to the lady and says, "Well it is very nice to finally meet you." This other presenter attends the lady's presentation, asks questions, finds out lady submitted her research for publication, and engages in fun banter. The lady is informed that they will be sending out notifications for interviews (which they said were a "very good sign") by the end of February. All after this lady had a long conversation about how her patience was wearing thin and to pray for God's speed and not more patience.

Psalm 37: 23-24 (AMP)
The steps of a [good] man are directed and established by the Lord when He delights in his way [and He busies Himself with every step]. Though he falls, he shall not be utterly cast down, for the Lord grasps his hand in support and upholds him.

Matthew 7:7
"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

Various thoughts.

2011-02-18T18:46:00.000-05:00

1. I've got my MUCHNESS back. More muchness than I have felt in a long time. I think that being vulnerable with other people has helped and taking care of myself. Also asserting myself as needed. And it feels really good.

2. Doing a presentation at VACES tomorrow in Williamsburg on sexual addiction. Should be funny. Counselor get togethers are always entertaining to me.

3. I am graduating in 11 weeks. Omlanta. I think I should plan a graduation party for myself. Yes. Yes I do.

4. I'm going to be 25 soon. wee-yurd. I am hopeful about what this next part of life has to offer.

5. I need to write up my bucket list so I have things to look forward to in the near future/this summer.

6. My favorite Friday night moments lately are staying home and watching classic 80's movies with my boo. Last week it was

This week it will be St. Elmo's Fire. I'm excited.

QT

2011-02-17T22:16:00.001-05:00

I don't particularly like couple pictures, but when I saw this picture, I loved and fully supported their relationship. (Picture from here.)

This one too. Maybe it's because they're playing ping pong, I love her outfit and his pants are hiked up incredibly far like a grandfather would. Picture from here.

“I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self respect. And it's these things I'd believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn't all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Uh. F. Scott Fitzgerald could get any lady with lines like that.

http://kissssing.blogspot.com/.I have truly enjoyed looking at all the couples photos... particularly the older individuals, normal couples, or the couples engaging in fun extracurriculars that have nothing to do with romance.

Whom do I envy? What do I lie about?

2011-02-17T13:33:00.002-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=My6k0ENtiOI&feature=player_embedded#at=128

E

2011-02-16T19:08:00.001-05:00

I am the kind of person that rides on E. After the light is on. And 15 miles pass. I like to see how long I can ride on E before something happens (or I get too scared to keep going, just in case). For instance, when I fill up my gas tank, in my head it should last me approximately one week. So if in the evening of day 6 I am on E, I won't fill up. I'll ride from the beach home on E and wait til the next morning so my tank lasted me a week. Or if I go on a trip and the trip is approximately 6ish hours long I refuse to stop and fill up. I just want it to last me the whole way. In some way, I am the champion if I don't have to stop and get to my destination in record time. I have heard heinous stories from various friends about how doing this can really screw up my car and gas tank. But does it stop me? Not so much.

Does this irritate the men in my life? You betcha! My dad and Patrick both get on me about having less than a quarter in my tank. Little do they know that I gladly ride on E (with a small hint of stress about getting stranded on the side of the road... but what good is my AAA membership if I don't push the envelope every now and again?).

The other day I realized that I live my life much like I put gas in my car. I "fill up" and do self care only when I am completely depleted and on E. I use "E"xhaustion and depletion as my indicators of the need for self care/filling up. I want to continue working and being 150% efficient until something gets in the way of my efficiency (mainly exhaustion and lack of energy). "I should only need breaks on weekends and when allotted the time". Unfortunately, life does not work like that and it is really destructive to my poor little system. I will have weeks of time where I am exhausted. Exhaustion that I feel in my bones and heart. Weeks of being on the edge of sick. When I do take care of myself and stop "pushing through it", I find myself much recovered only to do the same thing again the next freakin' week.

Now that I've recognized my habits, I am willing to make some changes.

1) Establish boundaries: I know when I schedule too many things in my planner for a particular day. I need to say "no" or when there is no way of getting around those days, I am dedicated to scheduling time at the next available moment to fill up and do self care. I actually block this time out in my planner for my sanity and everyone else's that has to work with me.

2) Self Care without feeling exhausted or depleted. Just because.

3) State my needs. Get help as needed. Being vulnerable about things I need is really humbling, but I am finding how blessed I am with a good group of people to support me.

So today, for the first time ever, I got gas when it was 1/2 full. This is indicative of an inner change to begin taking care of myself without depletion as my guide to do so. And tonight I am having lots of quiet time to indulge in after a big presentation today (while my inbox is beckoning to be tended to as it is full). I am also going to have lots of grace with myself as I am impatient and frustrated about not hearing back about the doctorate stuff yet. It's what I need to give myself now instead of 3 weeks from now when I am having a meltdown.

I am a work in progress. And I'll start with filling up at half tank and self caring half way through my week.

hmm.

2011-02-16T10:10:00.000-05:00

I have spent a lot of the past 24 hours with my head in my hands or my hands cupping my face. And not in the picturesque way either.

one year ago.

2011-02-15T12:40:00.001-05:00

One year ago I walked away from someone that meant the world to me, not knowing what would happen. All I knew was that God had called me to walk away and in that, promised that this would not be a sad time, but a time of courage and good things. It was. It was a time of personal growth, learning who I am, what I want, healing from past hurts, and learning how to do life as an adult. But oddly enough, I can still feel that heart ache from a year ago and the fear of not knowing how it would turn out. These times were followed with promises, continual promises, that it was beautiful and it was to be a time of rejoicing. Imagine walking away from someone you really loved because you knew you were called to, not knowing what would happen, and all the while God is telling you not to be sad. It ended up beautifully, of course, 40 days later (with great significance). But today, one year ago, my heart was a big hole of ache that began a journey with God to follow Him wherever He would take me, a journey of trust, and a journey of healing. To trust that He was good and to trust it enough to walk away from someone that was my best friend because He prompted me.

Today I find myself a beautiful product of His hands and healing and while I look back with ache, I also look back with the knowledge that He gave me the courage to follow through with His will. How beautiful.

So hip: beards

2011-02-14T19:42:00.000-05:00

This post has been taken from this blog site: http://freshlypicked.blogspot.com/ A little snippet to whet your whistles for more.

It is now going to be a fave. Mos' def.

Cling.

2011-02-14T18:50:00.001-05:00

Often God seems to place His children in positions of profound difficult, leading them into a wedge from which there is no escape; contriving a situation which no human judgment would have permitted, had it been previously consulted. The very cloud conducts them thither. You may thus be involved at this very hour.

It does seem perplexing and very serious to that degree, but it is perfectly right. The issue will more than justify Him who has brought you hither. It is a platform for the display of His almighty grace and power.

He will not only deliver you; but in doing so, He will give you a lesson that you will never forget, and to which, in many a psalm and song, in after days, you will revert. You will never be able to thank God enough for having done just as He has.

We may wait till he explains, because we know that Jesus reigns. It puzzles me; but, Lord, Thou understandest, and wilt one day explain this crooked thing. Meanwhile, I know that it has worked out Thy best- Its very crookedness taught me to cling.

F.E.M.I

the holiday of L.U.V.

2011-02-14T18:45:00.000-05:00

My card from Patrick.

Who knew I had a black belt ar-teest on my hands?

Some of my valentines for my friends. The big one with lots of colors was the one I made for Patrick.

It says "UR RAD valentine!" and he goes, "you used text speak?"... naw! but candy hearts use them and I think it's hilarious. Therefore. UR RAD!

Good things today: I got to see Helen, Honky Cat by Elton John came on my iPod, and there were chocolate covered strawberries in my refrigerator this morning.

Bad things: I got hardly any paperwork done... blast. But I just taught my kid to reframe, so:

Tomorrow is a new day. One where paperwork might get done. But the holiday of luv does not provide space for paperwork.

Valentines Day Cupcake Making

2011-02-11T12:52:00.000-05:00

Ohmylanta.

love

Valentines

Day

Sugar.

L.O.L.

2011-02-10T20:02:00.000-05:00

mornin' snow.

2011-02-10T17:40:00.000-05:00

This morning I woke up to the best kind of snow: hardly any on the road but enough to make everything look beautiful. Yesssss.

Thoughts rumblin' around.

2011-02-08T21:34:00.000-05:00

#1. If you insist on placing your cell phone on a hard surface, please turn it to silent. It's louder than hearing the ringer and twice as annoying because you're not turning it off.

#2. In therapy my mind moves 100x faster than my client would ever want to move. Moral: I need to slow my roll.

#3. Lately there hasn't been enough minutes or surges of energy (which seems contradictory to #2, but anyway).

#4. I am having a Valentines Day cupcake making party with my mom and sister. This is what I am most looking forward to this week.

#5. I have been really refreshed these past few weeks in my relationship with God. Refreshed is the perfect word.

#6. Since I'm not on Facebook, I need someone to tell me how to find a cheap flight to see Butter in Colorado... all I seem to find is 400+ tickets. And I'm a poor grad student.

#7. Today was sunny and warm enough to have my moon roof open and I could feel the endorphins being released just by sitting in the sun momentarily. Golly gee wiz. Spring, please come quickly. I love you desperately.

#8. I realized that I unknowingly have purchased Valentines Day flowers and chocolates for myself. And a few extraneous gifts. I love how when I don't mean to, I do it anyway.

#9. I am making my own Valentines this year. I don't think I'll get them out on time because I haven't even started them. But it's the thought that counts.

#10. Spring break is too soon. Which means my midterms are even sooner. Boo. But come on end of the semester! Graduuuuuattionnnn! Insert Third Eye Blind "Graduate" song here.

snippets of life.

Moving!

.

Runner

New Motto

weekend goals

Pride & Prejudice

thxthxthx

Noah

weekend goals

oh, therapists.

How to Have a Quarter Life Crisis.

Quarter Life Crisis.

Secret:

Good.

Piano Playing

an enigma.

HeartTime

One Thousand Gifts

Post-Graduation Depression

Additional.

My post-graduation goal:

*

LOVE.

todays good good in photoform

Graduation.

the gooooooooodgoooooood

Grad School: Quite The Journey.

a pinch of magic.

I needed this today.

Becoming a normal human being.

after the storm...

the GoodGood.

Done-duh-done-done.

hearts desire for graduation:

refreshing.

LANTA

The Remedy.

God.

7 days.

Go green.

STOP. celebration time.

Uncle.

So close...

Last class?

Alcoholics Anonymous > Church

Stretch.

DTR.

I'm not a dime. I'm a quarter!

life.

rat

isaiah 62:4

gorgeous.

"She couldn't go back and make the details pretty,she could only moveforward and make the whole beautiful." -Terri St. Cloud

TEAr TIME

facts & photographic snippets

iPhone goods

drum roll, please

oh, FB.

Hip Hop Class?

Happy.

8 weeks to freedom:

Speak it.

rant.

T-6 days.

snip.

Muse

{ }

Wilson Philips. Yesss.

12 Steps to Rejection

Dear Self,

True Love

Alriiiight!

Chan. Francis Chan.

phone.photos.

Happy Birthday Little E!

Spring Break

Observations of the World of Diets & Nutrition

blog goods

traffic shot

"She couldn't go back and make the details pretty,
she could
only
move
forward
and make the whole beautiful."

-Terri St. Cloud