DTR.

DTR=Define The Relationship.

I was at work and a male co-worker asked how my "friend" Patrick is and how long have we been "hanging out". My response: He's my "Boyfriend" and we've been "Dating" for over a year now. We DTR'd, I let the two male co-workers know. I explained that when "hanging out", it is important to DTR so you know where you stand, etc. They both agreed that DTR is unnecessary. To which I posed the question on FB: Is it necessary to DTR? I expected the women to say yes and the men to say no. This was the case until a few ladies said it was unnecessary. I don't think it's a male/female issue, but perhaps a personality/communication style difference.

Now, I find it interesting that some people assumed that I hadn't DTR'd and wanted to help me complete the DTR talk in my own relationship. Fortunately, we've been there and done that and it's official. But for my friends that are dating and are going to have the DTR, do they need to?

My thoughts? Yes, at some point. One guy responded that if you have to ask, it's not going well. Well, Mister, if you don't feel free to communicate with the person you're dating, then it's not going well already. Committed relationships take work, energy, patience, compromise, and a lot of love. If I'm seeing someone that I am not going to be committed to, then it would be nice for them to understand that (although uncomfortable to admit). If it is going well I do not think that it should be EXPECTED for you to read their minds and know it. Let's be real: mind reading doesn't work in any relationship. Verbal communication of expectations and roles is a pretty normal and healthy way to enter into a relationship. It helps you both to establish your own expectations of each other and the relationship, and is a declaration of the loving commitment you are willing to make.

As per my friends that state it's unnecessary, if somebody hadn't established something, you probably wouldn't have a ring on your finger. I think some individuals don't want to have the DTR to avoid feeling hurt or upset just in case their expectations don't match up with the other person. Some people have this really amazing belief that if they do have "the talk" then everyone gets crazy. Let me be clear: if your partner goes crazy over a DTR and starts talking marriage and scaring you, its probably because they have different expectations and you're not on the same page. Let them know your boundaries and what you're looking for. If they can't respect your boundaries and needs, then maybe you need to look at not dating them.

End Rant.