Something to live by:

Honor the Ordinary.

new years resolution

to stop fighting change so much and

be

o   p   e   n

to it.

Holla back.

Normally, I like going to the gym. I like the classes, I like the post-gym high, etc. However, the holidays/snow/no school are creating a serious barrier between me and that gym. Snow and delicious desserts make me want to stay home and eat, under a warm blanket while watching a movie. Unfortunately, that doesn't do well for fitting into jeans. So, I got up and got ready for the gym. If I can convince myself it's a good idea for longer than 5 minutes, I'm good to go.

Get in the car, park, and get out. I hear someone hollering at me but I ignore it because 1) I'm in Norfolk 2) It's dark and 3) to acknowledge it has never been productive. I get back in my car and pull it up a little and there's my boo. "Did you hear me? I yelled "hey hot stuff!" at you!"... This may be the very first time that I wish I would've paid attention because I feel like everyone that was waiting outside the YMCA probably thought he was a creeper, but I would've liked to have played off of it. Maybe given him a reply of, "What kind of girl do you think I am? I'm a lady Southern Belle, and you don't yell at a Southern Belle."  I probably would've yelled it, used lots of hand gestures, made a scene. It could've been fun. Don't you think?

Things I'm grateful for this morning:

• Melting Snow/Ice
• My warm bed and sleeping in.
• The Emmons family. I'm blessed to have little e & andy as friends.
• Breakfast with little e. and that she's a sugar and cream kind of coffee friend.
• Sharing struggles and successes and finding the silver lining.
• The waffle maker. I didn't even have to wait till I got married to get one.
• The fact that my body isn't getting sick. I thought for a hot second it was trying to happen.
• I'm gonna be by The Proclaimers
• Having an empty inbox. What a good feeling.
• Feeling my creativity rising.
• IT'S VISION BOARD TIME YA'LL!!!!!!!!!! this is like my favorite time of year.

Christmas and Snow and Updates, oh my!

A standard run of the mill update:

Christmas: was really nice. My little sister spent the night Christmas Eve Eve and we got to make dinner, watch Sandy (Sandra Bullock) in The Proposal, and laugh a lot. Boy, I love Sandy. Anywho-exchanged gifts with the roomies. I gave them a waffle maker for the house and we have used it every day since Christmas, which I am glad, and plan on using tomorrow morning with Little e (erica emmons). Han Han and I went to the lake, made cookies, watched Christmas movies, I took a nap, Marshall's girlfriend came to the lake and surprised him, and everyone showed up and we ate a big Christmas dinner. We then sat around, drank coffee, and realized this would be the very last Christmas we would ever have with no children running around or screaming. I can't wait for the new babies!!! We opened gifts and I got some pretty bangin' gifts. A cool new travel mug, a starbucks gift card, Zumba DVD'S!!, an old antique owl pendant, and some good lotions and things. Gifts don't excite me as much as just being with my family. We then watched The Twilight Zone-The Night of the Meek. Which, was weird and old and actually thoughtful and morally sound.

Christmas Day we woke up, I dressed up like my mom (with 4 pens in her hair and three pairs of glasses on her head asking where her glasses are), and we all made breakfast together. Since a snow storm was looming, I got ready to head home. I had dinner with Patrick's family, which is always fun and makes me laugh. They are the funniest bunch of individuals that happen to all be related to each other. At one point, Paul (Pat's brother) looks over at him in all seriousness and says, "Well, I'm making my house Zombie proof, so if you want to take haven at my house one day, it's cool." They then discussed how the house would be Zombie proof. Moats, acid, piranha's, a steal steel (thanks Helen) front door, and bullet proof windows. And they were pretty serious. I just burst into laughter at the fact that they were just serious.

I've been snowed in the house Sunday and Monday, which left me digging my car out of the snow today and clearing the side walk. I only have five days left of my "vacation". I really, really hope I can somehow fit one more adventure in.

School starts Monday. I think all of the books that I need have been shipped to me (maybe...) and I'm revved for my LAST SEMESTER OF GRADUATE SCHOOL!!!

I'm waiting to hear back from ODU already about my interview for the Ph.D. program. Come on ya'll! I'm waitin' and I'm gettin' awful anxious!

iNSPIRE

from here

from a really good web site that might suck you in.

Patrick Burgess,

Hey remember that time 9 months ago when you asked me to be yours and I said yes?

Genuine-Part 2

Something I find really interesting about myself is that I am willing to be genuine about difficult things-grief, stress, anger, frustration, getting ditched by friends, the difficulty of transitions and changes, how much I hate driving in the ice and snow... but when it comes to the delightful, good things, I am so much less willing to share. It's almost like it's easier to engage in a bitch fest than it is to be productive and talk about the things that are good.

People around me are often experiencing really hard things and my thought is, "I don't want to rub that in their face." I know what it is to be in icy spots where your wheels spin and spin, nothing seems to go right, things seem to actually be getting worse. I don't want to create bitterness or jealousy by sharing good things. But, flip the issue and I never want to be jealous or bitter by other people's good news, even though I can get that way. I used to get a lot more bitter at other people's good news. "Well, I'm going to Europe and I'm engaged!" When I was in college, there was nothing more that I wanted than to go to Europe and to get married. Good GOLLY. So, please tell me why it was that the girls closest to me were either A) going to Europe or B) getting engaged and married?

I could have died from all the jealousy and bitterness I felt. Behaviors included consistent rolling of eyes, deep, heavy sighing and consistent moaning and groaning. What a terrible way to receive good news for other people. And what a terrible way to live my life.

I prayed about it. Meaning, "God, I hate feeling like this. Help heal whatever is inside of me that needs to be restored so I can be happy for her." Eventually it changed. God took that heavy, firey jealousy and bitterness and turned it into a decent happy feeling (perhaps even joy) for other people that went to Europe and got married, although I still haven't done either. And yes, I still make jokes about newlyweds, which is probably a good indicator that God still has His work cut out for Him.

But boy, do I miss out on talking about good things.

I want to talk about them so they permeate my life with positivity and they allow me to be continually encouraged. My fear of offending or embittering someone else with my good happenings is stifling some growth and I think it's time to move forward.

breaks

A break from school has resulted in an inability to conjure up blogging thoughts.

Eh.

Maybe after Christmas.

snow is spelled r-e-s-t.

As an adult, I do not like snow. I don't like the dangerous road conditions it creates. I don't like the cold wetness. Albeit, the first snow is fun and peaceful and relaxing. After that, I'm good. I just want one or two good snows and I'm set. I didn't even really love it when I was a kid. I would go out with Marshall and get into a snowball fight, which was completely unfair and would get pegged. It was like my face had a big X on it and if he didn't hit it, he would keep going until he did. Or until I started screaming or crying. Then it got a little too messy and involved for Marshall. Oh big brothers.

I was supposed to go on a training trip yesterday to Fredricksburg and it was cancelled due to the snow (and thank God, because I would have been stuck there overnight).  So the whole day was mine. I had The Best Rest Day in the whole wide world. I stayed in bed, literally all day. I think there's only one other time I can remember being in bed all day on my own accord and I am pretty sure I watched Star Wars.

Things I did yesterday:

• Made hot chocolate with vanilla soy milk (if you haven't tried it, you are missing out on the most fabulous thing)
• Netflix. In bed. All day long. 
• My two books were delivered in the snow-I ran down to get the door and my eyes were big and I looked at the man and said, "WOAH! I didn't know you guys were working during this kind of weather!!" His eye brows popped with a "uh, yeah. Here." and he walked away.
• Talked with Kelly & Lisa as we were all stuck in the house together. We watched Good Luck Charlie and I have never shuddered so much in my whole entire life. Ever.
• Read my books and I love the Susan Isaacs book "Angry Conversations with God".  An exerpt: "Susan: What the _________, God? Are you trying to kill me? God: Shut the __________ up or I will!" Totally irreverent. I know. But her honesty is really admirable. I get angry, I've yelled at God, and I get angry with Him. This book is about Susan taking God to couples counseling. Literally. She did. She went to a therapist and asked to work on her relationship with God because she feels abandoned and angry with Him. If I didn't have things to do today, I'd lay in bed with this book all day.

 A professor of mine sent me an email back from a paper I submitted via email and said, "Let me know how your doctoral application turns out - I've been praying for you!" I love this for various reasons. #1 I go to a school where the professors pray for their students. I need all the prayer I can get. #2 That he cares about my application enough to pray for it. This shocks me because I don't really think I prayed about the application. I prayed about the program and deciding to do it, but not really about my application. I figured, God, You told me to do this-I assume You're following through until they hand me my diploma-You'll follow it to completion. This really good verse that keeps hugging me and reminding me that once I leave it in God's hands, I don't need to keep worrying whether or not God will follow through: "The Lord perfects that which concerns me..." ps 138:8

Maybe those words will hug you a little bit today too. We don't need to worry-He will perfect the things that concern us. PERFECT. He didn't say "help" the things that concern us. "Head nod in the direction of the things that concern us", "Consider helping us with things that concern us." He straight up said PERFECT. God, please do. Please perfect the things concerning me.

done!

This semester is done.

Only one left to go and then I have my Masters. Weird. It feels like it has taken forever and happened in the blink of an eye, all at the same time. I am really proud of myself for getting through the past 2 1/2 years.

No more kickboxing till the new year. I hate that story.

I just ordered my textbooks with allbookstores.com and saved myself over $100 on books. I love it when I compare how much I bought the books for and how much the bookstore was selling them for. It's weird, but I really like getting a good deal with my technological savvy.

Tomorrow I am in Fredericksburg for trainings all day, so my break starts Friday... even though I'm working for a bit on Friday. I can't believe Christmas is next week. That's so crazy! I still have some Christmas shopping to do since the only thing I could think about for the past week was getting all of my projects and papers done.

Things I'm looking forward to doing this weekend: holiday parties, shopping, Cogans, baking something or another, girl time, and seeing good friends. And doing recluse things like staying in my pj's all day, watching Sex and the City, and sleeping in.

Tonight I'm going to buy a new planner. I still haven't done that and it's driving me crazy!

ps: why is buying gifts for men so difficult?

pps: I have the cutest niece e-v-a and my dad is the cutest grandpa!

 Why is it that I love the pictures of her growling more than her being cute?

Ok-yeah, I don't know what Katherine's doing in this picture.

It looks like she's spoon feeding her husband.

She's exempt from judgment bc she's preggo.

Priorities, my friend.

I can't emphasize this enough: I want this stupid paper to be done.

Things I'm going to do on break:

• Read the books that I ordered today on Amazon.

•  Watch Sex & The City
• Cook/Bake and wear my apron till my heart is content! (Patrick is going to be the happiest boy in town)
• Visit with family and friends-coffee dates, cogans, laughter, etc.
• Finish my painting & start a new one
• New Vision Board! It's almost 2011!
• Get excited for my last semester of my Master's & begin getting stuff for graduation!
• Prep for my phd interview. yipes.
• Find a new 2011 planner-I still don't have one, which is ridiculous.
• Go to the lake for a few days to take a break. 
• Book a flight to see the loves of my life (Alicia & Butter)
• Figure out a New Years Eve Adventure
• Spend qual time with the boyfriend. We've both been super busy lately. And I like him a lot, so.
• Try a new class at the Y while I can-I'm thinking Hip Hop.
• Get a freaking massage. All this paperwork makes my shoulders and back hurt.

Please note that a good 2/3 of this list is self care items that have nothing to do with making life happen.

I am a new woman. A new woman that likes to take really good care of herself. :-)

"All trauma helpers must understand self-care
not as an indulgence or afterthought but rather as
essential to their physical and mental health,
and to the constructive treatment of their clients.” 

-Curtois

Sometimes

Sometimes I get foggy and lost in my work.

Today felt like that.

Sometimes I feel like God is literally pulling my heart strings.

Lately I can't figure out what He is trying to say.

I sit. Read. Listen. And feel more confused and foggy.

Have you ever had foggy moments that you don't get what's going on, but you can feel a deep, intimate, satiating, romantic heart tug? I literally want to bask in this feeling and just move along and figure out what God is saying to me, all at the same time.

Foggy times are kind of achey and mysterious.

Barriers

A few things are standing between me and freedom:

• Submitting internship paperwork
• DBT final exam
• Two article reviews
• 10 page research paper

7 days to do it.

I'm going to knock out the article reviews today, the DBT final tomorrow, submit paperwork tomorrow, and the 10 pager will be "in progress" till it's due in a week. It's a pass/fail class, and "pass" doesn't motivate me as much as "A". Too bad.

And today I checked on my doctoral application and it said that they're missing some of the items I sent via email. What the heck?!?!? SO I resubmitted it online. I should of freakin' printed it out and put it in that HUGE envelope with the rest of my items.

They better fix it.

Or I will go mama Sarah on them and they do not want this.

"

Fear

is a manipulative emotion 

that can trick us into living a boring life.

 

Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life

Brave

When I get scared I trust.

It's scary to trust someone with your whole heart.

But that's when I follow up trust with 

Woah baby!

So two new baby boys in the spring. Everyone was rooting for little boys, but honestly, I don't know what to do with little boys. They confuse me. I can't dress them in cute baby doll dresses, put bows in their hair, or buy them precious girl barretts for their hair.

So what do I plan on doing/purchasing for the new baby boys and their parents?

I think I've got this under control now. Mission cool aunt to baby boys commence.

December, first.

Today is the day that ODU begins review of early doctoral applicants. Which is me. I'm excited.

My head is killing me from this amazing weather change from the 40's to the upper 60's.

Us roommates have been watching Sex & The City like we're addicted. It's been a wonderful bonding experience. :-)

I hate homework.

2 weeks till the end of this semester.

1 semester left until I officially have my MA in Counseling.

I miss my best friend. I really might have to start being real about my search for flights.

And, since it's December, I am going to download Amy Grant's old Christmas album. I grew up with it and it gives me so many good feelings and reminds me of putting the tree up, decorating, cookie baking, and watching Christmas movies together.